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| that's me in the purple hat |
Around 4th grade, my hair finally became long enough to put into a ponytail. My mom attempted my first relaxer but she was so afraid my hair would fall out she pretty much washed it out immediately. So, it did nothing! She then attempted to straighten it with a curling iron. Once again it did nothing. So from there, I upgraded from headbands to ponytails and hats. Since I couldn't wear hats at school, my hair was pulled back with a scrunchy. But any time I left the house.. on the cap went! I felt like a hat could hide my insecurities and frizzy hair. In the 90's, there wasn't YouTube or Facebook. If you wanted to try a new hairstyle, you copied the magazines. So naturally my mom didn't think to look there because you couldn't just pick them up in the stores we went to. Unless it was the grocery store... I would pick up hair magazines and thumb through them as she would shop. Seeing those hairstyles and new products I knew I HAD to get them. The first product my mom bought after my attempted relaxer was Pink Lotion. My hair was soft, more manageable and it seemed to be on the right track. All of that confidence came to a screeching halt during spirit week that year. I wore my favorite hat to school on hat day... my hair was in a pony tail and I felt good. However, that day we had a substitute that we all knew. She was an older black lady who was never shy to tell us how she felt. For the most part, we all enjoyed having her in our class. I remember it was after lunch and we were listening to her read the class book aloud when all of a sudden she stopped, looked up at me and said " your mom needs to do something with your hair" in front of the whole class. Of course being immature 4th graders they all burst out laughing uncontrollably. I couldn't hold the tears any more so they just began to fall. I never felt like the kids were in the wrong.. they were kids. However it did take me a very long time to forgive and get over the treatment of that teacher. After all she did humiliate me in front of my peers. I figured she would have seen my struggle and offered to help as opposed to scrutinize.
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| after my first perm |
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| trying to find hairstyles I could do |
Even though my progress with my hair was improving, my confidence was still shaken. Could I pull these off? Do I look good with braids? Even as I moved into high school I struggled with my hair. I would wash it too often, dye it to harshly and apply too much heat. I didn't know how to properly nourish my hair and I was stripping it of all it's nutrients when I would use products that were meant for white/thin hair. My hair had become so damaged that it began to break off. Around 11th grade my hair had broken so much, it went from the middle of my back to right above my shoulders.
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| me and one of my closest guy friends from HS |
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| HS struggling to wear it natural. All my hair broke off from dying it. |
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| before my hair started to grow. |
